In other news, I'm about 32 weeks now so not much time left. I don't know, I'm very conflicted emotionally about it. I'm terrified and also excited. I'm ready for the baby to come out already but also kind of sad as it marks the end, not only of my pregnancy but also of a bigger chapter of my life. I feel like I have to be a whole different person now... a mother. And I've still not fully adjusted to the idea of having other people in my life that I care about. I'm just so used to only worrying about myself and taking care of myself. Now there's someone new who relies 100% on me and the sacrifices I make for her benefit. I just hope that I'm ready to accept that once she comes out. I have so many worries and concerns but I'm not ready to share them with the world yet. I just hope that I don't fuck this one up too badly.
I should really take some pictures so you all can see how huge I am. I finally got to see myself in a full length mirror (since we didn't have one at our house) and it was quite a shock. I'm not really sure how I feel about it. But I definitely don't feel sexy or beautiful as they say on discovery health and baby magazines that you should. I just feel huge and gross. Surprisingly (and luckily), this hasn't hurt our sex life in the least. I just try not to let it get to me too much by avoiding the full length mirror and not thinking about how huge I am. Even though it's really hard. Jaje's gained a ton of sympathy weight though which is both sad and amusing. Personally, I think it's cute. Once the baby comes, we're going to both need to lose weight so it'll be nice to be able to do it together. I used to ponder how it worked that people would stay together through getting older, fatter, and uglier. But I think I finally understand it now because I know I will love him no matter what. Even with his big old belly and man titties. He'll always be beautiful to me. But I'm giving him 6 months after Elliot's born to lose the titties. And myself to lose enough of the fat that I can actually look good in a wedding dress. Because I want to. And I think I deserve to have a real wedding. A nice one. With a pretty dress, guests, flowers, cake, and all. My mom wants to do it in Israel which is fine as long as she pays for everything. Then my whole family will be there and we'll buy a beautiful dress for Elliot (but not a pink one!!)!! Speaking of which, I'm setting a strict rule right now because I've seen too much of this and it bothers me. Anyone buying baby gifts for Elliot, please no pink. Purple is okay. Jaje loves purple. Red is perfectly fine too. I prefer blue or green. Also black. And if there's a little bit of pink in there, it's fine. But I gaurantee that anything I get which is pink in majority will be returned (if possible) or thrown/given away (if it can't be returned/exchanged). Pink dresses are definitely out of the question. Pink toys are just.... ick. I know everyone thinks "pink" when they hear "girl" but if you know anything about me (and even if you don't know much) then you should know I don't like that. That's partly why I wanted a boy. I'm not into girly girl stuff. And hopefully, Elliot won't be either. If I wanted a girly girl, I'd name her Ashley or Amber or Elizabeth (i don't know, whatever girly names are popular now). That's why I chose Elliot. I know most people don't agree but I think it's a beautiful name. Oh yeah, I looked up Elliot and Clay on baby name finder to see what they mean so I thought I'd share it here with everyone (in case you're curious like I was).
Hebrew Origin, Male, Form of ELIJAH meaning Lord is my God. Formerly a surname.
Teutonic Origin, Male, Meaning Mortal.
It's kind of funny. I don't like the meaning behind Elliot because I don't believe in God. But I still love the name and I'm stuck on it so I'm not going to change it. She will be Elliot Clay Garibaldi. I will not budge on this issue. Eeek I have heartburn. People said that means Elliot is going to be really hairy. Which makes sense since she's got very hairy parents. I imagine she'll look something like I did when i was born. Chubby cheeks and a head full of dark curls. I was adorable as a baby (and look how ugly i turned out.. hehe). If I can find pictures, I'll post them here and then when Elliot comes out, we can compare how much she looks like baby me. And I should get baby pictures of Jaje from his mom too. Just for fun. It's amazing how much Vincent looks like him. You can see the resemblance anyway, of course, but when you look at Jaje's baby pictures, it's like they are almost identical. One thing's for sure, you don't need a test to know he's his father. haha. And I bet Elliot will be the same way. I have a feeling she's going to have his nose and his mouth. We shall see. When my mom gets back, I'm going to do a 3D ultrasound to get better pictures.
Anyway, I need someone to pay for my livejournal account before it expires in a couple days. I've had a paid account forever and I'd cry if I lost it now. Boohoo.
In sad news, my mom gave away Junior (my puppy). He was in israel for a long time, she finally brought him back here and when she found out that I had left town, she gave him away just to be a bitch and hurt me. Her reasoning is flawed and her story is full of holes. All I know (and care about) is that she gave away my fucking dog because she's an evil bitch. And I can't get over it. I found his clothes and doggie treats in the closet so I called her up to ask what the deal was with that and she told me. I don't think I will ever forgive her for doing this to me. She says that she will try to get him back. So i'm working the guilt on her extra hard. I want my dog back. It feels like she gave away my baby. I love that dog and I'm not going to quit until I get him back. I don't want another dog. How would she feel if i took my baby (after giving her some time with her) and disappeared and she never got to see her again. I don't think she'd like it. So i'm going to be on her case about it until she gets my baby Junior back. I will not tolerate her bullshit. I've been depressed as hell since i found out. I just want to cry every time i think about it. Ugh. Okay enough of this. I can't let myself get depressed again.
I'm gonna stop now. I really didn't expect that I'd have this much shit to write about. It's mostly nonsense anyway so just ignore it. I'm going to go find my rolaids. Someone call or text me. I'm free for another 7 weeks or so and then who knows when I'll ever have time to see the world again. hehe. But seriously, call me if you're in south florida and want to hang out (or if you're somewhere else and just want to say hi). I miss you guys (you know who you are)! Love you all!