In other news, I can't find the USB cord that goes with my Sony Handycam and I've got nearly 2000 pictures of Elliot from the last 2 months that I'm dying to share. Not to mention an hours worth of cute video clips. I wanted to share her birthday pictures and videos of her eating her first birthday cakes (yeah she had two birthday parties so two cakes... well, actually there were three cakes because at the second party, there were two but only one was for her so yeah, two. I'll explain more later). Right now, I have 50 dollars to spend on Amazon.com and i'm torn between buying stuff for Elliot and getting at least one thing for myself. I picked out a book I want for like 7 bucks which should be alright because it still leaves Elliot with 43 dollars but of course, I'll find something I like for her that costs like 45 or something and then I'll have to give up my book. I always do that, I never get anything for myself. Even on my birthday, my brother told me to pick out stuff on Amazon and he'd pay and I had picked out a bunch of stuff I wanted and then I started looking at baby stuff and one by one, I replaced all my stuff with Elliot stuff (oh I'll put this book back in exchange for this toy... oh i'll put this thing back in exchange for this thing). I ended up getting not a thing for me. I don't even remember the last time I bought something for myself. But to be honest, it makes me happy to see her playing with a new toy or just looking beautiful in a new outfit so it's totally worth it.
In semi-related news, I think I'm losing my mind. Being a single mother is hard. I feel for all you single mothers, I really do. But I'm not sure what's worse. Not having a husband/father. Or having one who lays there all day long doing nothing. Jaje hurt his back so he's been out of work for awhile now and he doesn't do anything but eat, sleep, and watch tv (and he does all this from the comfort of his side of the bed). Meanwhile, I get no sleep, no breaks, and don't even have time to do my homework. I've even considered maybe I should just give up on school for now. But I don't think I would ever forgive myself or him if I did that. I don't know. I'm losing my mind. Case in point: this morning I didn't get to sleep till 7am, woke up at 10am, spilled milk all over the floor while pouring some for Elliot then knocked over the milk while cleaning up previously spilled milk and spilled even more milk. From there, it's just a blur of bumping, spilling, dropping, hurting, screaming, crying, and I don't know how this happened but my pants are on inside out. And it's only 3pm. Who knows what else is in store for me on this miserable inside out and backwards day of disasters. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm quite honestly and very seriously considering the possibility that I'm cracking up.
p.s. my paid account expired. who wants to be my best friend in the whole world and renew my paid account for me? :o)