Mood: depressed, distressed, hopeless, needing help desperately
Ohh Xanax... sweet relief.
I've sent all my problems to a time out, to sit in the corner staring at the wall and thinking about how much misery they have caused me. i can still see them but they can't see me and if they so much as turn around and take a peak at me or dare to creep back into my head for just a second, I will pop another xanax or two and they'll be back in their silent corners for the next few hours. In fact, I'm about to go lay down and let the bliss of more than the recommended dose of xanax wash over me, wash away the anxiety and pain and the truth of how miserable my life is. For now, i'm not me. I'm someone else, someone with less problems. Someone who good things happen to. And there are good things coming my way. I have money coming in, well it's already come in, we have to go pick it up. I called moneygram to confirm and it's waiting for us to pick up. I just sent Jaje to walmart to pick it up (moneygram). That means, i'll be eating real food soon for the first time in... i don't know how long. And i can go to the grocery store and buy food for my baby. And on top of that, there will be plenty of my crutch, xanax. At least i'm not touching any pain killers anymore. The xanax keeps me sane and allows me to deal with the world the way most normal people do without any help. Well fuck you normals. I'm not like you. You think I dont want to have another little blue pill or another shot of heroin (yes, even 3 years later, i still miss it). I do want those things on the daily but I have more important things i have to take care of. Like an almost 2 year old. Sobriety is a wonderful thing, so they say.
Anyway, i wanted to post here even though i don't think i have any readers. I'm requesting donations, monetary or gifts or whatever you can send me. I want to start saving up for elliot's second birthday which will be here sooner than we know. I want to take her to chuck e cheese (or disney if i can afford it, i think she'd love it) and buy her some cute gifts. So if anyone wants to chip in any way possible, I'll love you forever and i will repay the favor as soon as i can. I have a wish list on walmart.com you can visit it by clicking on the following link: http://www.walmart.com/giftregistry/gr_detail.do?registryId=80542249165&sourceid=00379540531593151458. Of course, I would much rather you guys get me walmart gift cards (which you can buy at the same time). Really gift cards to any stores would be wonderful, like babies r'us or amazon.com or whatever you can think of that has goodies for baby (and maybe a little something for mommy). Amazon is my favorite because i have like 7 dollars credit from forever ago and i cant use it, if someone gets me a gift card to amazon, i'm going to buy Elliot some awesome baby bath time drums and also some new clothes so she can stop wearing clothes that are too small for her. And she really deserves it. I dont want her to turn out like me. No fucking way. If you want to help with food because we recently lost our food stamps and medicaid, we are struggling and fighting to get it back but still no luck. So we are in a financial crisis. If you want to send money through paypal, you can do so by clicking on the icon below:
If you would rather send it another way, let me know and i'll give you my information.
Please someone help Elliot and me. We don't have any money, food, or anything. I know you can donate at least a dollar. If a bunch of you donate a dollar or two each. Or gather some friends and donate like 2 or 3 dollars, it will add up and maybe my daughter will get some food and maybe even some presents for her fast approaching second birthday. Where are all my kind, generous friends. If you can't afford to donate a dollar or two, then maybe you should try to put up a donate button of your own and find someone to help you. By the way, here are some pictures of my beautiful little girl. Try to say no to this little face.
Elliot and I thank you for reading our pathetic little display but believe me if i wasn't desperate, i wouldn't even bother. I know there are some kind people out there and I really hope one of you can find it in your heart to help in whatever way you can. Remember that no amount is too little or too big. So give what you can and I will be grateful no matter what the amount. Thank you all for reading. Have a great day.